Thursday, November 6, 2014

Shame memory

I still think back to the days I used to spend at camp during the summer. Today reminds me of a similar day back then. When we rounded the corner from the line of dirty blue cabins, the green grass was a colorful change of mood compared to the grey gravel path that we had been on just a moment before. The smell of the flowage, and the giant lonely pine tree that stood a couple feet before us mixed and slipped right into my body. This smell set apart from all others, this was the smell of camp. It was a hot day, the blistering heat blanketed us as we lethargically walk down the narrow hill of the camps back field. I find myself idle- the cooling grass beneath my toes- breaking the rule of having to wear shoes at all times. These were the days when life seemed so simple. “Come on stupid” Jenny said jokingly. “Ok damn you’re talking” I replied struggling to come up with a comeback. “Well you are the heavy one here” she said as we walked through the back fields of our camp. “I may be chubby, but at least I don't have a bald spot on my head!” At this point I knew I stuck that comeback. She comes at me with a fist. Bam! I was close to blocking it but don’t, and get knocked into the wooden cabin wall. “Ow!” “Why’d you do that?” “ Don’t talk about my bald spot!” Now her eyes start to overcome from the held back tears. “Oh my god I was just kidding, I'm sorry!” I said now beginning to sucome to sympathy. “Hey, what’s going on here?” Travis comes into focus from behind the chipped green colored cabin. I think this was the start of the first time someone actually saw me for who I was. Travis, one of the new counselors this year immediately demanded me to tell him what happened. I started to cry. The tears fell off the cliffs of my cheeks, and laid resting on the dusty back step of the cabin. “I never meant to make her mad”. “Go to your cabin”. he says in an almost caring tone. “Jenny, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings”. I had known Jenny for a few years previous to that incident, but that year I had actually become friends with her. I think that's what made it shameful, the fact that I had just gotten to be her friend then I broke the trust right away. The shame that's connected to that summer helps me remember it and teaches me not to be quick with comebacks because I will never know how offensive it may be to the other person.

1 comment:

  1. You did a great job setting the scene and allowing the reader to visualize the whole environment