The "Friend Zone" is a concept made up by entitled men whose feelings are hurt because a girl doesn't want to date them. Or at least, that's my opinion on it. Men are incredibly privileged all around the world, and the United States is not the exception.
While many men acknowledge this and use their privilege to help others who are less privileged, quite a few also use it to their advantage or aren't aware of it. Men who believe in the Friend Zone expect some sort of reward for being kind to women. Believing in this imaginary concept usually makes men feel like women they're nice to should have sex with them, or have romantic feelings for them. And if not, if the woman shows disinterest in either a sexual or romantic relationship, they believe that they have been put in the Friend Zone.
This is a problem, because it makes women and men feel as though women owe men something just for being a nice person, and if not then the woman who rejects advances or is uninterested is doing something bad or wrong. She is, in fact, exercising her own free will. The Friend Zone has become such an overlooked, widely accepted concept that you may hear it several times a week and not understand the harm it can cause.
It is yet another piece of rape culture that's so silent it can creep by you and worm its way into your mind. It can make you unconsciously think that women should not say no to men and that they should not inconvenience a man or sadden him because they don't feel comfortable. The truth is that women, as well as people of any gender, have every right to say no, and they have the right not to be judged for it.
In my opinion, the friend zone is very real, but not at all in the way it's defined in our culture of entitled "nice guys." The concept of the friend zone in our culture is of some place like limbo, unfair and awful, how dare she put me in the friend zone, etc. For a new and more accurate description, I think we should pay attention to what it's actually saying. To truly be in a "friend zone," it is a basic requirement that you are a good friend. Good friends often last longer than boyfriends, with a lot less strife involved. Therefore, the "friend zone," is not some unjust punishment because "women only like jerks" or some other bollocks, but an useful tool for preventing the unnecessary strife of unwanted romantic attempts in an already hectic life.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the outline of your argument. However, I also agree with Liam's idea that it is not awful like it is portrayed in our culture. I will add that the beginning of your argument had good points about men's privilege but, I think that the "friend zone" gives the power to women. After all, aren't they the ones saying no. Where the conflict really lies is when people put women or men down for the "friend zone". It is something that relies on a personal decision and right to free will, like you said, no one should be put down for exercising something given to everyone. Great, well-organized piece.
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