I hated it so much. I want something, anything to happen to avoid it. I over thought everything that could've been significant: a pain in my knee, ankle, muscle, or even a headache. What added to the scare and nerves before sections is the but us under this tent right by the start line. I kept on staring at it thinking in a few moments I will be lining up on that line going against some of the best runners in the state of Illinois. “Runners of the 1600 line up!” I was ranked 5th over though I was not supposed to qualify by place, the top two runners, but I had a chance at the state qualifying time, that time was 4:21.26. The stater said “set” then the loud crack of the gun. Although usually my nerves go away after the race starts, this time they didn’t.
I was running intervals in indoor and one of the coaches, Able was saying how i need to relax because it affects my mentality in the race. I was not relaxed in the race. I finished the first lap I was in 5th. I was struggling. I was losing my form I was in agonizing pain (which I am always in but I was not handling it like I am usually handling it which was a problem). Lap Two half was through.
After I finished my Downers Grove meet another very painful race, although I was relaxed the whole time. I broke my personal record and ran a 4:28.34. I was about half way through the race and could barely keep the pace I was running. I gave up. I did not drop out you can never drop out. I finished that race i continued to slow down i was losing form every second. before I knew it the race was over. I wanted so much to shout to the crowd “I am a sophomore these guys are seniors and way more experienced than me.” Although i finished in tenth, five places behind my seat place. i ran a 4:46.12 ,18 seconds behind my personal record. I was disgraced, sick, I never give up i hate giving up it eats me alive. I want to leave the meet, not talk to anyone. The most painful part was our runner for the 3200m had a shot at qualifying he did not succeed (he was a freshmen still an amazing runner) nor did our 4X800m we also had a shot. I was the last distance race of the meet the last distance runner who had a shot of qualifying and I failed.
I remember some of the same feelings from when I wrestled. I wasn't that into it but I had to wrestle at a sophomore level as a freshmen so conference was intimidating.
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