Tuesday, September 16, 2014
War Is Pain
War is pain
No drama, just down and dead
Like a stone in his stomach
Whispered in the dark
He wanted to share the man's pain
He grieved for Ted Lavender
They were afraid of dying
He grieved for himself
They were afraid to show it
Light cigarettes, and try to smile
The Reality of death itself
A balance between crazy and almost crazy
The common secret of cowardice
Staring into the dark
The quick, sweet pain
Squeeze the trigger and blow away
They dreamed of freedom birds
They were flying
There was nothing for them to bear
It's over, I'm gone
Taken up over the clouds and the war
He was a soldier, after all
Tight blue flames with the tips of his fingers
It was another world
A place where men died
No drama, just down and dead
Like a stone in his stomach
Whispered in the dark
He wanted to share the man's pain
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I really like how you opened and closed with the same stanza. I think it adds drama to your poem. Overall great post!
ReplyDeleteYour poem was obviously very well thought out. The entire thing was very cohesive and made sense. The repeating stanza brought the poem to a close very well. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe repeating stanza, along with the logical progression of topics throughout the poem, create a really cool, circular effect. This is one of the most entertaining, "full" poems posted.
ReplyDeleteRepating the beginng at the end sometimes doesnt work out in a poem. But here it works out great! It's really cool and it made the poem feel as if the poem where a peice of music. It got really loud at the beginng and midddle, but calm towards the end. That what it felt like to me, get what I mean?
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