Infant Safety Satire

The Onion, a news satire organization, recently posted an article satirizing home baby-proofing techniques. It was structured as a bulleted list of advice for new parents, but instead of giving genuine suggestions, the article mocks the tips given to parents regarding the safety of their children. Click here to view the article.

The article consists almost entirely of irony. For example, it says, “If your home has medications or cleaning supplies lying around, place your baby on a hard-to-reach shelf where he can’t get to them.” This statement is ironic because placing a baby high up would just be endangering it; the medications or cleaning supplies should be placed out of reach, not the infant. Another example of this irony is when the article suggests, “Before giving your child something to play with, make sure it’s not a choking hazard by pushing it down your own esophagus for a few minutes and seeing if it obstructs your airway.” Testing for hazards in such a manner as this is obviously ridiculous and dangerous, and is counterintuitive to the safety of the baby by compromising the safety of its guardian.

The first part of the article points to the issue seriously. It says, “Babies spend the first year of life exploring their surroundings by tasting and touching, which is why it’s essential for parents to be diligent in protecting them.” This introduction emphasizes the importance of parental attentiveness and precautions to ensure, or at least improve, the safety of their children. The article pokes fun at the safety advice taught to new parents in order to point out the shortcomings of infant protection and also to encourage parents to do more to protect their babies.